Examples of Intimate Partner Psychological Abuse

Original Posting Date Feb 14, 2020

Definition of Abuse:

  1. use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.
  2. treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is common. One in four woman and one in 9 men will experience it at least once in their lifetime.  In 2020 half of the woman homicide victims were killed by their domestic partner. https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS

Before things get violent there is a lot of psychological abuse that occurs. The victim may experience emotional abuse for years prior to anything getting violent. In some cases the victim is unaware the abuse is happening, which has been shown to create larger longer lasting mental health conditions.

Below is a list of common tactics.

  • Calls you constantly throughout the day for no reason.
  • Must always know your whereabouts.
  • Calls you when you are at work.
  • Texts you multiple times in a row expecting an immediate response.
  • Places voice recorders in the home and/or automobile. Questions you about different sounds/voices they heard.
  • Demands you spend time with them when they are home.
  • If you go to the bathroom and take too long, they will come and investigate.
  • Monitors your phone, social accounts, etc.
  • Asks you to send them pictures in real time.
  • Has GPS tracking on you.
  • Changes your passwords for accounts.
  • Mocks anyone whom you are in contact with.
  • You are unable to speak your mind for fear of argument.
  • They expect you to do everything for them.
  • When something goes wrong you are 100% to blame.
  • Expects sex even if you give a good reason you cannot.
  • Demands more attention than you give your children.
  • Name calling.
  • They call you derogatory nick names.  Suck as “chubby munchkin”,
  • They pick apart your character.  They will call you forgetful, too good, judgmental, etc.
  • Yelling.
  • They publicly embarrass you. They let people know your secrets or make fun of your shortcomings. They mock your accomplishments.
  • They dismiss you when you tell them how they make you feel.
  • They will throw objects.
  • They make a mess intentionally (when angry) and never clean it up.
  • They stand in your way while you are walking.
  • They force you to sit there and talk to them. You cannot take a break and walk away.
  • They make jokes about you.
  • They use sarcasm as an excuse for what they said.  “I was just joking.”
  • They belittle your accomplishments, or they take credit for them.
  • They push your buttons and annoy you.
  • Threats. Such as they tell you they will take the kids and disappear. 
  • They make you ask for money for everyday items.
  • They lecture you.
  • They give you direct orders. “Make me a sandwich.”
  • Outbursts.
  • They demand you do one thing, but they do the opposite.
  • They falsely accuse you of doing things they are doing.
  • Treat you like a child.
  • They are unpredictable.
  • They walk out to ignore your feelings.
  • Using others. They tell you that “Everyone thinks you’re crazy.”
  • They accuse you of flirting or cheating.
  • They turn their bad behavior on you. “You were the one who was being a pain.”
  • They will use guilt.  “I work hard for this family, it’s the least you can do.”
  • They drive erratically when you are in the car with them.
  • They make you ask for keys, wallet, purse, etc.
  • They deny their abuse, as if it never happened.
  • When you try to discuss your feelings, they accuse you of overreacting or taking their abuse the wrong way.
  • They destroy and then deny.  If they broke the front door slamming it, they will blame the children or the wind.
  • Demand respect.
  • They shut down communication.
  • They keep you from socializing.
  • They come between you and your family.
  • Withholding affection.
  • They wave you off or change the subject.
  • They actively work to turn others against you.
  • They call you needy.
  • They see you hurt and crying, and they do nothing.
  • Dispute your feelings.  They tell you how to feel or should not feel.
  • You neglect your own needs for the sake of theirs.
  • You make a lot of sacrifices that will never be reciprocated.
  • You often bite your tongue and repress your feelings to keep the peace.
  • You feel responsible or take blame for something they did.
  • You feel guilty when you stand up for yourself.
  • You find yourself saying sorry all the time.
  • You find yourself trying to rescue them from themselves.
  • They cause you to change your behavior by crying or threatening to kill themselves.
  • They make all decisions for you or make you feel you must make a certain decision.
  • They blatantly lie.
  • They play the victim.
  • When you are in argument with them and there is someone around, they intentionally raise their voice stating an embarrassing statement about you.
  • They cheat.
  • They self-contradict themselves.
  • They are two faced.  Portray one person in public and another at home.
  • Hiding things from you.
  • They did through your personal belongings.
  • They do not allow you to have any time to yourself or make you feel guilty for wanting space.
  • They hardly know anything about your likes and preferences.
  • They insist you are interested in their interests or you are not supporting them.
  • They won’t let you sleep or they don’t like you being awake when they are sleeping.

If there is any other tactics you have experienced or witnessed, you may comment below or Contact me to have it added to the list.

If you have experienced a lot of the above tactics and you feel you need help, guidance or support, see the links below for more information.

https://ncadv.org/get-help

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