I have been working on my raw and uncensored story of survival and came across a journal entry I had done that described what a morbidly, delusional, jealous, narcissist, psychopath person my exe husband was. BELOW IS MY JOURNAL ENTRY
June 24, 2018
Julie Empath Revolution Course H.W.- Write my new script for being in a relationship with a narc (my husband.)
I have been putting this H.W. off because it is going to be painful. This morning I feel like I can handle it. Please God give me the ability to write freely with flow and do not allow this to affect the rest of my day.
My relationship with my husband is an equal, no double standards one. I have the freedom to be friends with whomever I want, even if they are not the greatest of people. I learn by observing all kinds of different people.
- I can go for a drive or a hike or whatever my soul needs without having to explain why I need alone time.
- I can drift off in my thoughts whenever I need to without being accused of not loving him.
- I can walk across the street to get my son and talk to the neighbors.
- I don’t have to avoid talking to any of my neighbors without the fear of being called a cheater.
- I can take classes online or in person and not have to hear about how evil my instructor, mentors and classmates are evil (not good people.)
- I no longer have to keep my phone attached to me 24/7 when he is gone. I don’t get nervous or anxious if it took me longer then five minutes to respond.
- I won’t be asked where I am because GPS says I am not home.
- I can have any friend on social media I want without hearing negative comments about them all.
- I will no longer worry if my kids or I move my car seats. I no longer get accused of having someone in my car.
- When I put a blanket in my car, I don’t have to second guess whether it is a good idea.
- I will be able to have a phone conversation with my mom or best friend and not be accused of treating him differently because I talked to them. Or him being accusing them of things.
- I will be able to write in my journal without getting a phone call and being accused of not checking my phone.
- I can freely move my car up and down the driveway without being asked why.
- I can do things around the home such as move furniture or repair things and not be accused of having someone come over and help me.
- I can take a nap whenever I want without letting him know first or when he is here, I won’t be accused of not wanting to spend time with him.
- I would like to not be told “you don’t love me. Nobody loves me or I love you more” multiple times a day, every day.
- I would like to bring my feelings up and not be accused of doing the same thing to him.
- I would like to have a job or practice and not have him talk crap about all my co-workers or clients
- When I get dressed nice, I would like to not hear “Why don’t you dress nice for me?”
- I would like to be on the phone and not be questioned about background noises.
- I would like to have my own interest and not have him pretend to be interested too.
- I would like to spend tie with him and be able to talk about me. If I do talk about me, I would like to not be one upped and immediately have the conversation be all about him.
- I would like to not hear about all his drama when it is too much for me to handle, I would like to check out and not be accuses of not caring or loving him.
- I would like to be able to take a shower whenever I want and not have to explain why.
- I would not like to hear “I want my wife back it has been years; you should be better.” Or the famous saying when I don’t feel good “stop it.”
- When I ask him to get mental help, I am told I am the crazier one and need help more.
- I would like to have a peaceful home where the only one breaking stuff is my kids by accident. Not because he feels the need to slam or throw things.
- I would like him to understand emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse.
- I would like to be able to spend money on things I want without having to explain why. Such as classes.
- I would like to take trips by myself.
- I would like to light a fire in the firepit without being accuses of only doing it when he is gone and being accuses that someone must have been there.
- I would like to not feel like I must have sex every day. If it doesn’t happen for a day, I would like to not be accused of saving it for someone else.
- I would like to be able to clean my house whenever I want and not be told “Why don’t you do that when I am gone?”
- I would like to not feel responsible for everything when it comes to the kids, taxes, business etc.…
- I would like to have a group of girlfriends and not be accused of being a lesbian.
- I would like to leave my phone unlocked and not have to worry about him making stuff up.
- I would like to be able to take selfies and not be asked “Who did you take those for?”