They put their phone face down all the time, they hide the screen,, they take calls outside or the phone is always on silent. They have their computer and phone locked. They erase information on their phone. These are all common things cheaters do.
Technology has completely changed the way cheaters have affairs. If the cheater is fairly tech savvy, they can use technology to hide evidence of their affairs. Below is a list of technology they use to hide their affairs along with a little guidance on how to recognize it.
The best way to know if they are hiding something is to install a hidden spy application on their phone but you need access to their phone. Do no fall for companies that say they can hack their phone without having direct access to it, there are many scams out there. The best person to hire is a local private investigator.
- They use “incognito mode” in their web browser. For those that don’t know, incognito mode is for surfing the web when you don’t want to leave a trail. All web browsers have this ability. Cheaters often use this feature to sign into emails, sites, and apps. If you can get a glance at their phone and see the icon for incognito mode on the top of the phone, then they have been using it.
- They use a privacy browser app. There are apps that are all about keeping your information and activity safe from prying eyes. Common ones are Duck Duck Go and Brave. If your spouse has no reason to be using this type of browser or they suddenly start using one, this is cause for suspicion.
- They use a “secure folder” on their phone. Secure folders are used to keep important documents or images safe. This feature is used if you share your device or have work related information such as patient information. Secure folders are password protected folders. You can name them anything you want and even change the icon for the folder. You can hide apps, contacts, call logs, etc. It is hard to detect the use of one without having access to the phone. If you do have access to the phone you can go through folders and see if any are password protected.
- They clear their activity information from their Google account. Anyone who has a Google account can go through their activity and clear their activity. If someone has done this, you will see large gaps of time between different activities. If you know they were using their phone at a certain time and see no activity this raises suspicion. If you can comb information for an extended amount of time and they are in fact trying to hide something you will eventually find proof by looking through all the google information. It is difficult for cheaters to hide all the data. They may use multiple Google accounts so make sure you check each one. You may also want to take note of their saved passwords in case you need them later.
- Mock location settings. Most people have no reason to mock their location. If a cheater is being closely watched by their partner on a GPS locating application such as Life360 they may use a mock location. If you notice strange jumps in their location this is reason to be suspicious. The best thing to do is place a tracking device on their person or car. There are many affordable ways to do this.
- They use messaging applications that hide or erase the message upon receipt.
Commonly used apps.
Facebook Messenger. The old way of hiding messages was by using their “secret message” feature, but they have recently come out with “vanishing mode”. The idea is to allow someone to send something but not allow the receiver to screenshot or save the message. This is Facebook’s way of making messaging safe for teens and to prevent bullying. Unfortunately, this feature is more commonly used by cheaters. If you know the affair partners name you can enter it into the top of your partner’s messenger search bar. You can also check the archive or look at their Facebook activity, which cheaters very rarely clear information from. One more way you may be able to see who is sending your partner messages is to check the email that is linked to their Facebook account. Make sure to check the spam and trash folders.
Instagram. Instagram is perfect for cheaters because the usernames and profiles can be completely made up. There is no way to know who is behind the account. Once a message is deleted it is gone unless you are the FBI and can get access. Instagram is slowly changing their policies and eventually the information behind accounts will be known.
Snapchat. Snapchat is a popular app used by cheaters. Messages disappear and cannot be screenshotted. It is also nearly impossible to know exactly who is on the other end. But you can get lucky. If you know the affair partners phone number or email you can put that in your phone contacts and snapchat will provide you with their account (if there is one.) Make sure you use contact syncing for this to work. At least this way you know if your spouse is messaging the affair partner.
Dating Apps. You can discover if they are on certain dating apps. You can have a single friend jump on any of them and search for your spouse. Or, you can create a fake account and search yourself. Eventually these apps will have to verify their members but for now you can do a fake account. Check the apps that are free first, they are more commonly used by cheaters.
Twitter. Twitter is another platform that hides the users profile information. Twitter is slowly switching over to requiring people to verify their account information, but this may take years. If you have access to your partners account, you can request an archive of the data. Just be aware Twitter may take a whole day to generate the archive for you.
Whatsapp. This is another messaging app where you can hide your messages and calls to people. If you have access to their phone you can see who they have on their contacts. It is nearly impossible to retrieve erased messages.
The technology listed above covers the basics of what I commonly hear about in my Support Groups. No matter what we do there will always be a way a cheater can hide their affairs. Technology is going to keep growing. It they are a cheater then they are going to cheat.